Womens’ Magazine Dating Advice

Never trust a man who doesn’t get on with his Mater
He’ll either be a woman-hater
Or a chronic masturbator
If he says he’ll ring you up just say you’ll text him
Later..
Don’t!
Then take the next outgoing flight to the equator!
There, sitting on the sunny sands, enjoy a glass of rum.
Be glad you didn’t spend your days with a man ‘oo ‘ates ‘is mum.
It’s likely that he lacks the skills required to make you cum.
And probable he will expect
YOU’LL TAKE IT UP THE BU-UM!

( Author’s note about recitation:  one must imagine the bulk of the poem delivered in a stiff RP, switching, at the 4th line from the bottom, to an exaggerated mockney accent, whilst the final line is to be sung in the fashion of an old umpety-tumpety music hall band, such as used to play in the Victorian seaside bandstands of England, reaching its climactic finale.)

Tags: Chavs, Men who hate their mothers