Now I don’t normally read The Sun
But one finds them, when someone is done,
On the seat of a train
When it’s starting to rain
So one reads it as some guilty fun
Oh how titillating!
Oh how scandalous!
Like a teenager pushing a pram!
The Liberal Democrats secretly plot
To make London look like Amsterdam!
Legalised brothels and spliffer’s cafés!
MPs who don’t go to church!
Stickers on sausages!
No CCTV peering down at you from every perch!
It’s outrageous and shocking!
They want to allow folks to gather
In Parliament Square!
They demand a fair trial
The right to stay quiet
And insist that a jury is there
So I got off the train, by the sea
Thanking whatever twat he may be
For leaving The Sun
Once, of course, he was done
Checking out the bare flesh on Page Three
It’s so obvious!
I’m convinced of it!
Though I felt awfully puzzled before
I’m giving my vote
To the pushers and pimps!
(Though they’ve got as much chance as a Gore…)